I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
