I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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