if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
