Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
