i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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