But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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