dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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