I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
