anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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