Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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