I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
