the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
