It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh god the rape fog is back!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
