she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
