i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
