FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
