i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
last night I used snow as a chaser
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
its liver damage thursday
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