why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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