dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
