in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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