She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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