HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
