So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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