After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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