I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
