The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The Olympian is in my bed
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