Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
