all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
