this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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