like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
