I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
