I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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