dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
