Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
