I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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