Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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