i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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