I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
