Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm like, not good at living.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
