You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
