I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
