I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
