careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
