you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
