apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
