dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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