THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
