Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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