did you get engaged???
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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