and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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